Tad's Life

Antoinette's niece, Tina, died yesterday. She just gave birth 4 days ago. Though we worried much about an episode of malaria late in the pregnancy, everything had gone smoothly. Sunday she was laughing and joking with the family and recovering well from the delivery of her little girl. But then yesterday morning she suddenly collapsed. She was gone before they got her to the hospital.

The loss is enormous. Antoinette and her family are torn apart. And in the middle of that pain, they face all the complications you would expect and some you wouldn't. Who will care for the newborn? Tina was the illegitimate daughter of Antoinette's brother. Is it his responsibility? Or Tina's mother's? Or the family of the young father of the child? Or Antoinette's who has cared for Tina for so long? And worse, who is responsible for Tina's death? Not what microbe or genetic defect, but which relative placed the curse or offended the spirits! In the midst of the heartache of sudden loss, Antoinette and her family must navigate such treacherous waters.

Jane called me yesterday as she hurriedly prepared supper for Jonathan before rushing back to Ouakam to "sit" with the family. The call used the wonderful modern communication tools our advanced society has invented. I was putting groceries into the back of the car in the parking lot of WalMart! Jane just picked up our Internet phone to talk to me, her voice digitized and formed into little packets of data to be passed around the world by different computer systems through fiber optic cables and all. I received with a cell phone at my end as her call was transmitted through the air on an electromagnetic signal to catch me wherever I happened to be.

And the news was just the same, the same as it has always been, whether it came by letter carried by ship or on foot by a messenger.

"...amidst the flood of mortal ills prevailing."

"...though this world... should threaten to undo us..."

The phrases from Luther's old hymn came to mind as I drove back to Mom's house. Back to join my sister in caring for our dear mother who is dying of cancer. Back to the privilege of a physical and emotional intimacy with her in her weakness that I never anticipated. Mom is passing through the "valley of the shadow of death" slowly as her body fades. Back to a certainty that she is in her last weeks on earth and then she'll be gone. Back to a mortal pain that threatens to undo me, as the hymn says.

We are so very good at self-deception and denial. We order our lives and thoughts as if death and suffering were aberrations. Or, at least, I do. Perhaps you are better at keeping hold of reality. We put our hope in strategy. If I have a good plan, and work it well, all will be well. Or we look to politics. Our ideas must prevail. Our guy must win. Only then will justice be established and the world be right. Or we look to that perfect job. Or that perfect mate. We read books about positive thinking and seven steps hoping that someone has the key to life and happiness and success. We ignore pain and hurting people and doubts and limits and just focus on living and gaining and taking. We act as if we are invincible and will live forever.

But our reality is that we are like flowers in the desert, here today and gone tomorrow. We know it. We see it. Even if we don't like to stare at that reality. And our world is broken and flawed, filled not simply with beauty and growth and life, but also ugliness and decay and death. All plans and views that ignore this are childishly Pollyanna and inadequate. Either there is a larger story that we are part of, or Solomon was right and all of our strategies for life are "Emptiness, emptiness."

I follow Jesus. Because of who He was and what He did and how He came back to life, I know that I am part of a larger story that goes on after the pain and suffering of this world. One little word will undo them and He will establish a new earth, a new universe, where we can live with Him, where suffering and pain and brokenness and decay will no longer figure.

And with that Hope, that point of view, I find that my time here in the US with my Mom is so very sweet. Sure, it has a bitter edge. I would love for her to be always in my life and in good health and nearby. But that is for later. After I have walked the same path she is passing down now. So as she goes, I am embracing this time, crying tears when they come, kissing Mom whenever I get the chance, telling her of my love and appreciation, and living this time that God has given me with her as openly and fully as I can.

A mighty fortress is our God,
a bulwark never failing;
our helper he amid the flood
of mortal ills prevailing.
For still our ancient foe
doth seek to work us woe;
his craft and power are great,
and armed with cruel hate,
on earth is not his equal.

Did we in our own strength confide,
our striving would be losing,
were not the right man on our side,
the man of God's own choosing.
Dost ask who that may be?
Christ Jesus, it is he;
Lord Sabaoth, his name,
from age to age the same,
and he must win the battle.

And though this world, with devils filled,
should threaten to undo us,
we will not fear, for God hath willed
his truth to triumph through us.
The Prince of Darkness grim,
we tremble not for him;
his rage we can endure,
for lo, his doom is sure;
one little word shall fell him.

That word above all earthly powers,
no thanks to them, abideth;
the Spirit and the gifts are ours,
through him who with us sideth.
Let goods and kindred go,
this mortal life also;
the body they may kill;
God's truth abideth still;
his kingdom is forever.

// posted by Tad @ 8:15 PM 0 comments